Ah bin sig

Translates to "I've been sick." I still pretty much sound sick, but I feel a little better. Haven't been up to much knitting in the meantime tho. Being too sick to knit stinks, let me tell ya!

On a "I'm-cranky-cause-I'm-sick" note (gee, aren't you glad you tuned it?)....

I should not have done the SPIII. I knew it before I started, but I got sucked in. The person for whom I am SPIII-ing has apparently felt I have not been attentive enough. Yes, life has interfered and I have not done some of the things I wanted to do...but I also didn't realize I would be considered non-compliant for not checking in on a daily basis. Sigh. So...now I feel like a flake and I really haven't meant to be or thought that I was for that matter.

My SPIII has been pretty quiet and I haven't gotten anything yet, but ya know what? It's okay! I know firsthand just how life will interrupt and I figure I'll get something sooner or later and if not, well...oh well.

I'm just saying, I should have followed my gut instinct and not participated. Sigh again.

End of unscheduled crankiness.

I did get a package in the mail last week....I had *ahem* forgot to tell Crafter's Choice I didn't want them to send me Ann Budd's new sweater book....Convenient, eh? I lusted after it in Barnes and Noble and there it was, snug in my mail box for me. I really love the format...where she gives basic dimensions and you can add all the nice touches you want or just have the basic design. I also love the idea that each pattern gives several gauges for different yarns. I really hate substituting yarn in patterns, mostly because I'm a coward and don't have enough confidence in my knitting skills to make my own decisions sometimes. Who am I kidding, that actually applies to my life....not having enough confidence do make my own decisions.

Now, lest we fall into a maudlin discussion of Lisa's character faults....I bid you a fond farewell from wet, rainy Central Oregon. It truly rarely rains much here. Just looking at the gray, windy outside makes me want to curl up with a good book, tea and cookies under a warm blanket.

So, is anyone reading anything good? I just finished this, which was pure brain candy and I am plowing through this....which is not. I like it, I just have to *think* when I read it.

Good Grief!

It's been 10 days since I posted?? Geez...what a slacker!

Knitting:
Been working on Faina...and I find her to be exasperating! Row 54 and I have gone round and round...sigh. I am starting the first repeat of the pattern, which of course starts with row 54...the row from hell in my limited experience. Keep coming up one stitch short...and it's driving me insane. I put it down and didn't touch it again this weekend because as Ryan said...I didn't want to deal with fussiness! I'll gear up on it again this week.

Meanwhile, I have been cranking out dishclothes for a bazaar, the proceeds of which will be donated to the local Community Center. I'm enjoying the mindlessness of whipping them out. Price? Geez...that one is so hard for me? So...anyone out there with an idea on price for dishclothes? Knit out of Lion Brand Kitchen Cotton, $3.99 a ball, get 3 out of each ball. They are about 5 x 5, bias knit with a little eyelet edging. Takes me 2 hours (with the one million interruptions that happen at my house) to knit it up. Again, this is not for me...whatever $$ comes out of them will go to the Community Center. That said, I want the darn things to sell, now wait for a philanthropist (? is that right...geez I need more coffee) who is willing to pay a lot just to support the Center. So, if you have any suggestions... I'd be grateful!

I hooked up with an old love over the weekend....

Ha, that sounds way more exciting than reality...the "old love" is polymer clay. My sweetie recognizes my need for this continuing love affair tho, so "it's all good," as my teens say.

Since I have been in emotional upheaval (perpetually it seems)...suddenly my creativity is flourishing and some way cool jewelry is now sitting on my kitchen table. Some of it I will keep, some I may sell at the bazaar (for me...probably with a donation of part of profit to the Community Center too...) and I am struggling with price there too. I have recognized I probably need to consult some friends I trust to look at it and go with their pricing.

My entire life, I have been unable to price my art reasonably. I always have felt it isn't worth anything...so I priced it to bottom price. This resulted in my selling it all...very quickly...but no $$...basically would break even. Or, worse it wouldn't sell because I priced it so low, people thought it wasn't worth anything. Ever done that? You later do that classic slap-to-the-forhead thing...

Self esteem. Spell it with me now, S-E-L-F E-S-T-E-E-M...... "I will ask a reasonable price for my artwork."

I so wish I could show you pics, because honestly, this is the best work I've ever done. Good enough for me to say to my art-wise friends, "okay, you price it and I won't say 'that's too much'."

Feelin' Sassy....

Quick post just to say....I'm feelin' sassy.

Why? Well....

• It's Friday, tho I do have to work this weekend.
• The weather is crisp-fall-perfect.
• I've had a lot of coffee and damn, everything's better when you've had a lot of coffee, eh?
• I've re-read Harlot's Letter to Rhinebeck...and AGAIN it made me laugh even though I believe I have read it four times now. Woman is a genius, absolute genius. I want to move to Canada and be her best friend. Okay, that sounds a little stalkerish, but...it's true.
• I have lovely blog friends....which is reason enough to feel good, take my word. Matter of fact...go check out these loverly ladies....(in no particular order, of course)...
• Ryan
• Bron
• Robbyn
• Marie
• Norma
• Rachel

If I missed someone, it's not personal...I'm just, you know, perimenopausal and can't remember my own phone number sometimes....

Gifts

I received the most thoughtful, kind gift last week. As I've mentioned...things have been, well, not good. I was on my way to an appointment, feeling pretty darn blue and overwhelmed, when I swung by the post box. There was a slip saying I had a package....I knew I'd be late if I stopped for it...but I wouldn't be back before the office closed...not much of a dilemma, I chose being late!
The package was from Norma, of Now Norma Knits... I so wish I could show a pic of the contents...(ARGH!!!! STUPID TECHNOLOGY!!!)..ahem...but I can't at the moment. I can show you one thing tho, it was this, Nicky Epstein's Christmas Stocking Book!!! I didn't even know it was out there....and now it's mine!! Woo hooo, thank you Norma!! Just think....I can make ONE SOCK....and no one will tease me!! This is heaven!

Also included: A lovely handmade angel ornament, made from sweet peachy-colored tulle...AND (I know!! THREE things....wow!!) a set of spreaders (you know, for cheese or dip or whatever...) with Christmas-style handles...... am I lucky or what??

Now....another subject.... I wanted to post about Norma's RAOK before I forged ahead. It really did help me hang on another day or two to my sanity, I hope you know that Norma.
______________
Warning...this is not happy-go-lucky...gee, life is grand stuff. If you don't wanna read about hard stuff, I don't blame you and you are free to move on. For some, it is "too much information," I get that. Life is just sometimes messy......and I have spent a lot of my life pretending everything was fine...when it wasn't. That is what my family/role models did, and so that is what I did.

"What, you say there's a pink elephant in the room?? No, there's no elephant....everything is fine."

Well, sometimes life isn't fine, sometimes is sad and scary and overwhelming. Sometimes it's our own *stuff*, sometimes our childrens, our spouses, or other people near and dear.

Tomorrow is my 20th wedding anniversary...were I still with my ex-husband, I imagine I would be celebrating it. It will always be the anniversary, whether we were together or not, you know?
I spent 14 years married to an alcoholic. I had no preparation for this...there was some major mental illness and dysfunction in my family growing up...but alcohol was verboten. So, I never learned to recognize alcohol abuse for what it was or how to respond when someone I cared about had a problem. The duration of my marriage, I was convinced it was my fault Mike drank. I went into the marriage quickly, with a lack of maturity (couldn't tell me that then!!), and with a background of being raised to believe my mother's mental illness was my fault...and my responsibility to contain and perform damage control when things went wrong. Since I immediately went to "this is all my fault!!", it was pretty easy for Mike to say "oh....hey, YEAH...this IS all your fault!!!" I handed him a "get out of jail free" card on a golden platter...the card must have read something like this:

"You are hereby free to be an out-of-control alcoholic

and your wife will not only take all the blame...

She will also cover up for you, make right your wrongs,

AND try to be June Cleaver on top of it!!

Go ahead...pass GO and have another drink!...If you spend

the rent money, don't worry...Lisa will fix it!"

Nice, eh? Yup, I pretty much did that to myself...but completely unknowingly. Do I have some stuff to get over? Yeah. That's why I'm doin' therapy!!

Then, DQ#1 moved in with her dad when she was 14. When she moved back home 18 months later, she was abusing alcohol and over-the-counter meds. 69 days of inpatient rehab and a LOT of money later...she came home sober, and has been ever since. I am very, very proud of her and very thankful.

Now, someone else I love has stumbled out of not drinking and back into using alcohol to escape pain. That's what's going on with me. I'm working on knowing it isn't my fault, I'm not responsible, etc. I'm also working on saying out loud "There is a problem." That is a big one.

So...there it is. No knitting content (tho Faina is up to 85 rows!! woo hoo)...just an open window into my life. I have really let my SPIII down in all of this, but she has been very kind. Hoping the box on it's way to her will make things a bit better there.

Next post we will resume our regularly scheduled knitting posting.