Repeat After Me: I Am Not June Cleaver...

Anyone who actually knows me can tell you....June Cleaver, I ain't. Yet...she and a host of other TV moms were my role models, the mom of my fantasy life.

I've mentioned having a crazy mom...and that hit a note of recognition from a few readers. My mom has (at the least) schizo-affective disorder and at the most, a few other charming mental illnesses to boot. The best way to describe schizo-affective disorder is this:

If I were to go to my mother's residence to give her a ride to a doctor appointment and be tragically struck down by a big ol' truck as I tried to get in my car and lay bleeding and maimed in the road....this would be my mother's response:

"Lisa! You're hurt! ....... Now how am I going to get to my doctor's appointment????"

The most characteristic traits of schizo-affective disorder are a complete lack of compassion and total self absorption. Now, while mothers the world over are accused of this kind of behavior daily...to actually have a mother with this kind of mental illness can be pretty devastating to a child.

A past therapist suggested that I raised myself with the aid of television. I scoffed at the time....but as I continued therapy and began to really look at the way I think, I realized she was pretty damn close to the mark.

I saw June Cleaver, The Brady family and The Partridge Family as "normal." Their TV lives of always happy, white-picket-fence-ness were what I perceived as the way it should be. Not only that, but I believed if I tried hard enough....I could become them.

Needless to say...that's a pretty lofty goal...to attain something that isn't even real!!

Hey, tho, it saved my life when I was 5 years old and couldn't adjust to constant insanity.

Perfectionism, depression, and a low self esteem were the results of that distorted thinking, however, and here I am at 40 years of age saying to myself "I am not June Cleaver...and hell, I don't even WANT to be June Cleaver!" whenever I have those moments of not being able to let go of how things "should" be.

So, on this Thanksgiving Eve, I am thankful for several things: All the usuals (family, friends, blah blah blah), as well as television...it gave me something to hold on to when I could have easily gone into much more devastating avenues to hang on to myself, a good therapist...God bless you David...., and the internet, which has given me 4 or 5 nice women who "get" what I'm talking about.

Happy Turkey Day, y'all.

I Feel Good....na..na..na..na..na...na...na

Ala James Brown....I feel good! It's Monday, a new week....life is good. Not perfect, but good.

I have to take care of a big THANK YOU to Ms Bron!

The last few weeks....when I did NOT feel good...lovely blog friends came through for me in a way that touched me so deeply! First, Marie of Knitti-Me sent me the coolest stitch markers! Then, a Surprise from Bron!

I got the slip indicating I had a package. When retrieved, it was discovered it was a package from New Mexico...from Bron! It contained a heavenly bag of potporri...some rose-scented hand balm, and a bag knit by Bron herself! I was so pleased, I can not express myself adequately!

Life went cra-zee immediately after and I realized this weekend that I hadn't said a proper "thank you" to Bron, so Bron dear, Thank You! Your kindness just touched me deeply. Thank you for being my cyber buddy!!

And, as if I haven't been spoiled enough, my SPIII pal came through in a BIG way! Wowza! I got (and I hope I remember everything!)

• A dozen way-cool German chocolate eggs...they are hollow and have toys inside! My kids thought they had died and gone to heaven!
• A Christmas tin that is also a music box...filled with tasty German cookie/cakey kinda treats....mmmmmm.
• A package of different flavored mini chocolate bars...praline, marzipan....those are MINE! I share with NO ONE!
• Two gorgeous skeins of Regia sock yarn...one blues and browns and one mixed blues...made my heart race, I tell ya what!
• Some of the softest Lana Grossa meriono wool I have ever touched in a silver/smokey blue and darker blue...I haven't decided what it will become, but it will be for ME! I'm being selfish....me, me, me!!!!
• A pair of bamboo knitting needles, yay bamboo!
• Really cute stitch Christmas markers she made for me herself, crafty thing!
• A tiny soapstone (?) container with lid...I actually love miniature boxes and have collected a few so this fit right in!
• A set of Christmas Angel ornaments...Thank you for adding to my new collection!
• The Vogue Quick Reference book, if that can't bail me out of the knitting predicaments I get into, I don't know what can!
• Weekend Knitting...now this is sort of a funny thing! You see, I bought WK when it first came out. Then, in a fit of cleaning (I know, miracle but it does happen) I decided I would never knit anything out of there and that I would take it to Powell's and trade it in. No sooner did I do it, than I swear I was seeing all sorts of things people knit out of it and wishing I hadn't traded it! But...I had bought it once and damn it, I refused to buy it again! Now...I have it again! Now if that isn't amazing I don't know what is! Thank you SPIII.!!!!
• Lastly, she even put in a goodie for Emily, the Knit Knack (? I think that's right) set. Now, in view of all that has happened, she may wonder what I would do with it...and that leads me to News of My Personal Life...

Emily and I are working on having an Alternative Arrangement. I capitalize this because it is a Big Deal to me.

I was raised in a family that dictated that you got married, stayed married 60 years, and if you made a bad choice....well...too bad for you. You made your bed, you lay on it. I have consistently tried to fit "traditional" ways of being into my life, whether they fit or not.

I have realized that Emily and I just can not live together, at least right now. I love her...she is my best friend and so much more. She loves me, and we are willing to try to "think outside the box" of when you are in relationship, you obviously live together. So...we are working on seeing what it feels like to be together, without living together.

So, Emily got her kit and was very touched and sends her thanks!

That's all f-f-folks...for today. Y'all rock...thanks for being my friends.

WOW!

I have to tell you what an awesome secret pal I have!@!! BUT...I am SWAMPED at work. So check back throughout the day and I will post as I can....

Boy Am I Lucky!!! :)

12:39...I have oh....2.5 minutes...so:
Lovely, LOVELY merino wool, 4 balls of a soft smoky blue color, 2 balls in darker blue. Yummy, simply yummy!!!

Bamboo needles...I love bamboo!

Christmas Stitch markers....way cool!

Two skeins Regia sock yarn....one in blues and one in blues/brown mix... Hey! Now this is for ME!!! No one else gets socks from this yarn, darn it!

There's more....but I have to go! Sigh....I wish, so wish, you could see it all!!!!! It was amazing. Each item was individually wrapped in X-mas paper...My children gathered around and watched me open them one by one...and I felt SPECIAL!

I can't tell you how much I needed that! More later!!! Lisa

What are we doing here?

Occasionally, I ponder the meaning of life.....And lately I have been doing a lot of pondering.

I think we are here for this: To Learn Something.

Some of us have many things to learn. Some have a couple. Perhaps a very few only have one Big Thing to learn.

Some of the things I have realized I have learned (or are still working on learning):

There are no mistakes. My perfectionism and feelings of failure are manufactured in my own mind...not sent to "punish" me by God..The Universe...whatever you choose to call it. My knitting is such a good example of this. As I mentioned briefly yesterday, I finished Shedir. It is lovely...soft and cushy out of Blue Sky Alpaca. Damn near perfect. Except....one prominent ladder at the top. Originally intended as a gift...I immediately went into "I can't give this to someone...it's not perfect!!!" and stuffed it away. However, I am learning. That little voice in my head says..."give it." Will I? I have no clue. Talk to me in a week. Or a month. Maybe.

The Really Big Thing I Am Learning: Let It Unfold. This means, stop running ahead trying to fix everything so you won't be uncomfortable later. It is also about not being in control of everything all the time.

Someone said to me once... "you always have to be in control, don't you?" and I was SO ANNOYED! I thought..."I am NOT controlling!! How could she say that!!!!"

I have realized that it is not so much that I want to control others....I want to know what is going to happen...because I can't stand being left in a state of suspense. It has to do with childhood and having a crazy mom and never knowing what was going to happen next. This is probably translated best in my knitting as the desire for a pattern to follow...and for the pattern to be correct. It makes me totally insane when the pattern does not make sense....in all aspects of life!

See....knitting can be tied to everything. Even the Mysteries of the Universe....

Challenge: What are you here to learn?

Life Goes On...

Yeah, I'm here. Depressed, but I'm here.

I am knitting however, so it can't be too bad. Finished "Shedir". Very pleased overall, though I am annoyed as all hell that when I switched to DPNs I ended up with a really prominent ladder in one spot. It's all I can see when I look at it...so I'm putting it away for awhile.

I received a lovely gift from Bron...more about it tomorrow...after I have gotton over myself a bit more.

Y'all are awesome, those who read and mail me...thank you for being in my life.

Ch-ch-ch-changes....

First, a big hug and a heartfelt "thank you" to Marie of Knitti-me! On Friday, I received a lovely pumpkin-colored organza bag with four of the coolest stitch markers. What a lovely, thoughtful little surprise. You blog women are awesome!

Second.....to condense a long, convoluted story:

My partner and I of four years are separating. I believe this is exactly what needs to happen for both of us...I have no idea if it's for a month or a year or forever. Lot's o' feelings going on over that...to put it mildly. A lovely, kind woman who is my very best friend.

Knitting content:
Started the "Shedir" cabled chemo cap from the Knitty surprise bonus or whatever the hell they call it. Using Blue Sky Alpaca in a yummy oatmeal color. Bron, you won't believe it...but I am actually knitting from a chart! Yup...miracles never cease. However, like Faina....I need to be ALONE to knit it!

Speaking of Faina...her solitary confinement is almost over. I believe she has learned her lesson and that row 54 will be much more cooperative when I pick her up again. Sometimes, you just have to give your knitting a little discipline.

"George W. Bush Is A Moron And You Know It"

So said a bumper sticker I saw last night...and now lust after with every fiber of my being.

I keep wondering how this could have happened.

Sigh.

Knitting:
FOs and hats...I actually have finished a couple of things...yes, I do know how frightening that is, actually.

Finished the baby seed stitch hat from Mindful Knitting...out of Blue Sky Organic Cotton which is Yummy by the way.

Finished a grown up hat for Drama Queen #2, the 16yo girl, out of Cascase Quatro in this Ann Norling pattern.

And actually, (now Ryan don't get too excited), pulled out the remaining sock to be knit that I started in June. Had to rip it back quite a bit cause I couldn't figure out where the hell I was....

Ah bin sig

Translates to "I've been sick." I still pretty much sound sick, but I feel a little better. Haven't been up to much knitting in the meantime tho. Being too sick to knit stinks, let me tell ya!

On a "I'm-cranky-cause-I'm-sick" note (gee, aren't you glad you tuned it?)....

I should not have done the SPIII. I knew it before I started, but I got sucked in. The person for whom I am SPIII-ing has apparently felt I have not been attentive enough. Yes, life has interfered and I have not done some of the things I wanted to do...but I also didn't realize I would be considered non-compliant for not checking in on a daily basis. Sigh. So...now I feel like a flake and I really haven't meant to be or thought that I was for that matter.

My SPIII has been pretty quiet and I haven't gotten anything yet, but ya know what? It's okay! I know firsthand just how life will interrupt and I figure I'll get something sooner or later and if not, well...oh well.

I'm just saying, I should have followed my gut instinct and not participated. Sigh again.

End of unscheduled crankiness.

I did get a package in the mail last week....I had *ahem* forgot to tell Crafter's Choice I didn't want them to send me Ann Budd's new sweater book....Convenient, eh? I lusted after it in Barnes and Noble and there it was, snug in my mail box for me. I really love the format...where she gives basic dimensions and you can add all the nice touches you want or just have the basic design. I also love the idea that each pattern gives several gauges for different yarns. I really hate substituting yarn in patterns, mostly because I'm a coward and don't have enough confidence in my knitting skills to make my own decisions sometimes. Who am I kidding, that actually applies to my life....not having enough confidence do make my own decisions.

Now, lest we fall into a maudlin discussion of Lisa's character faults....I bid you a fond farewell from wet, rainy Central Oregon. It truly rarely rains much here. Just looking at the gray, windy outside makes me want to curl up with a good book, tea and cookies under a warm blanket.

So, is anyone reading anything good? I just finished this, which was pure brain candy and I am plowing through this....which is not. I like it, I just have to *think* when I read it.

Good Grief!

It's been 10 days since I posted?? Geez...what a slacker!

Knitting:
Been working on Faina...and I find her to be exasperating! Row 54 and I have gone round and round...sigh. I am starting the first repeat of the pattern, which of course starts with row 54...the row from hell in my limited experience. Keep coming up one stitch short...and it's driving me insane. I put it down and didn't touch it again this weekend because as Ryan said...I didn't want to deal with fussiness! I'll gear up on it again this week.

Meanwhile, I have been cranking out dishclothes for a bazaar, the proceeds of which will be donated to the local Community Center. I'm enjoying the mindlessness of whipping them out. Price? Geez...that one is so hard for me? So...anyone out there with an idea on price for dishclothes? Knit out of Lion Brand Kitchen Cotton, $3.99 a ball, get 3 out of each ball. They are about 5 x 5, bias knit with a little eyelet edging. Takes me 2 hours (with the one million interruptions that happen at my house) to knit it up. Again, this is not for me...whatever $$ comes out of them will go to the Community Center. That said, I want the darn things to sell, now wait for a philanthropist (? is that right...geez I need more coffee) who is willing to pay a lot just to support the Center. So, if you have any suggestions... I'd be grateful!

I hooked up with an old love over the weekend....

Ha, that sounds way more exciting than reality...the "old love" is polymer clay. My sweetie recognizes my need for this continuing love affair tho, so "it's all good," as my teens say.

Since I have been in emotional upheaval (perpetually it seems)...suddenly my creativity is flourishing and some way cool jewelry is now sitting on my kitchen table. Some of it I will keep, some I may sell at the bazaar (for me...probably with a donation of part of profit to the Community Center too...) and I am struggling with price there too. I have recognized I probably need to consult some friends I trust to look at it and go with their pricing.

My entire life, I have been unable to price my art reasonably. I always have felt it isn't worth anything...so I priced it to bottom price. This resulted in my selling it all...very quickly...but no $$...basically would break even. Or, worse it wouldn't sell because I priced it so low, people thought it wasn't worth anything. Ever done that? You later do that classic slap-to-the-forhead thing...

Self esteem. Spell it with me now, S-E-L-F E-S-T-E-E-M...... "I will ask a reasonable price for my artwork."

I so wish I could show you pics, because honestly, this is the best work I've ever done. Good enough for me to say to my art-wise friends, "okay, you price it and I won't say 'that's too much'."

Feelin' Sassy....

Quick post just to say....I'm feelin' sassy.

Why? Well....

• It's Friday, tho I do have to work this weekend.
• The weather is crisp-fall-perfect.
• I've had a lot of coffee and damn, everything's better when you've had a lot of coffee, eh?
• I've re-read Harlot's Letter to Rhinebeck...and AGAIN it made me laugh even though I believe I have read it four times now. Woman is a genius, absolute genius. I want to move to Canada and be her best friend. Okay, that sounds a little stalkerish, but...it's true.
• I have lovely blog friends....which is reason enough to feel good, take my word. Matter of fact...go check out these loverly ladies....(in no particular order, of course)...
• Ryan
• Bron
• Robbyn
• Marie
• Norma
• Rachel

If I missed someone, it's not personal...I'm just, you know, perimenopausal and can't remember my own phone number sometimes....

Gifts

I received the most thoughtful, kind gift last week. As I've mentioned...things have been, well, not good. I was on my way to an appointment, feeling pretty darn blue and overwhelmed, when I swung by the post box. There was a slip saying I had a package....I knew I'd be late if I stopped for it...but I wouldn't be back before the office closed...not much of a dilemma, I chose being late!
The package was from Norma, of Now Norma Knits... I so wish I could show a pic of the contents...(ARGH!!!! STUPID TECHNOLOGY!!!)..ahem...but I can't at the moment. I can show you one thing tho, it was this, Nicky Epstein's Christmas Stocking Book!!! I didn't even know it was out there....and now it's mine!! Woo hooo, thank you Norma!! Just think....I can make ONE SOCK....and no one will tease me!! This is heaven!

Also included: A lovely handmade angel ornament, made from sweet peachy-colored tulle...AND (I know!! THREE things....wow!!) a set of spreaders (you know, for cheese or dip or whatever...) with Christmas-style handles...... am I lucky or what??

Now....another subject.... I wanted to post about Norma's RAOK before I forged ahead. It really did help me hang on another day or two to my sanity, I hope you know that Norma.
______________
Warning...this is not happy-go-lucky...gee, life is grand stuff. If you don't wanna read about hard stuff, I don't blame you and you are free to move on. For some, it is "too much information," I get that. Life is just sometimes messy......and I have spent a lot of my life pretending everything was fine...when it wasn't. That is what my family/role models did, and so that is what I did.

"What, you say there's a pink elephant in the room?? No, there's no elephant....everything is fine."

Well, sometimes life isn't fine, sometimes is sad and scary and overwhelming. Sometimes it's our own *stuff*, sometimes our childrens, our spouses, or other people near and dear.

Tomorrow is my 20th wedding anniversary...were I still with my ex-husband, I imagine I would be celebrating it. It will always be the anniversary, whether we were together or not, you know?
I spent 14 years married to an alcoholic. I had no preparation for this...there was some major mental illness and dysfunction in my family growing up...but alcohol was verboten. So, I never learned to recognize alcohol abuse for what it was or how to respond when someone I cared about had a problem. The duration of my marriage, I was convinced it was my fault Mike drank. I went into the marriage quickly, with a lack of maturity (couldn't tell me that then!!), and with a background of being raised to believe my mother's mental illness was my fault...and my responsibility to contain and perform damage control when things went wrong. Since I immediately went to "this is all my fault!!", it was pretty easy for Mike to say "oh....hey, YEAH...this IS all your fault!!!" I handed him a "get out of jail free" card on a golden platter...the card must have read something like this:

"You are hereby free to be an out-of-control alcoholic

and your wife will not only take all the blame...

She will also cover up for you, make right your wrongs,

AND try to be June Cleaver on top of it!!

Go ahead...pass GO and have another drink!...If you spend

the rent money, don't worry...Lisa will fix it!"

Nice, eh? Yup, I pretty much did that to myself...but completely unknowingly. Do I have some stuff to get over? Yeah. That's why I'm doin' therapy!!

Then, DQ#1 moved in with her dad when she was 14. When she moved back home 18 months later, she was abusing alcohol and over-the-counter meds. 69 days of inpatient rehab and a LOT of money later...she came home sober, and has been ever since. I am very, very proud of her and very thankful.

Now, someone else I love has stumbled out of not drinking and back into using alcohol to escape pain. That's what's going on with me. I'm working on knowing it isn't my fault, I'm not responsible, etc. I'm also working on saying out loud "There is a problem." That is a big one.

So...there it is. No knitting content (tho Faina is up to 85 rows!! woo hoo)...just an open window into my life. I have really let my SPIII down in all of this, but she has been very kind. Hoping the box on it's way to her will make things a bit better there.

Next post we will resume our regularly scheduled knitting posting.

Posting From The Fast Lane

Not much time...but a few things must be said....

Faina is at row 73!! I am now to the beginning of the chevrons...which Ryan declared are quite the delight...I had a picture taken and yes I'm working on getting it posted. I'm trying, friends, I'm trying!

There are angels amongst us.....Monday, the only mail was a slip saying I had a package waiting.

Norma, of Now Norma Knits fame, had sent me a very special package. I want to linger over it, giving you the full effect of my pleasure in her time and generosity, so you'll have to wait till work slows to a slight rush instead of a thundering whirlwind. Soon as things cool off here, I will post all about it.....Norma is "da bomb", go on over and say hi today.

I'm Just Wild About Faina....Faina's wild about me....

I'm Smitten...

Faina's Scarf is now at row 50!! Yes, yes, that sounds exciting until you realize she's a healthy 460-odd rows.....

I've realized I really know myself much better than I like to admit. This is because I just had to test my own limits...my own boundaries. I knew full well that I could not successfully knit this detailed pattern during any distraction. I vowed to knit it only when alone...no children...no dog....no sweetie to distract me with their very being.

My lack of multitasking talent was glaringly obvious last night. I thought I could slip one by the ol' knitting goddesses...Surely I could knit a bit on Faina with only one child in the house? After all, it was DQ3 who is 10 and was completely immersed in Wonder Woman (obstensively selected from Netflix for the children...but who am I kidding? I had such the crush on WW when I watched it at that age....).

The third time I had to rip row 24...I began to silently beg the laughing knit goddesses for mercy. Of course, it might have been difficult for them to hear my supplication past the whispered blue streak....

*&%%)....8@@!... What honey?? No, I'm not talking to you sweetie....)83#*&%, Hmm? No, not you, nevermind me, watch the show ....$$@ ...... !$#^^&#.... I said NEVER MIND!! "

Life Is Messy...

Yeah....I'm here. Life has been a little messy the last few weeks. To compensate, I have been quietly hibernating.

SPIII asked if I like knitting books....ahem....that would be affirmative! I LOVE knitting books. Don't always actually *make* anything out of them, but they inspire me.

Have you been over to the Harlot's lately? This women is so funny...I check in on her site daily and I'm never disappointed. Her knitting rocks as well!! Go on over. I'll wait.

I am gearing up for a new project...."What?!?!" you say..." What about all the projects you already have going??"

Yeah. What about 'em?

Ms. Ryan over at Mossy Cottage Knits invited me to a 'Faina Together'. I've been lusting after Faina for over a year and now I'm almost ready to go. Planning on this yarn..(shade 024) yummy, eh? By the way...if you've missed out on Mizz Ryan's Commune posts...you have to go read them, really. The comments as well....all of them! I'm too lazy to wait for you on that one...there's a lot of material.

Have a lovely day...don't ask me about pictures, I'm working on it and not getting anywhere!

Sigh....yeah, that was me...

Take the What High SchoolStereotype Are You? quiz.

If the link above doesn't work, try it here. Ahhh yes....high school....blech.

I found this over at Banjo Girl's site....you know, Banjo Girl.... Rachel's friend...who is incredibly funny and an excellent writer. I've been checking out her blog on a daily basis ever since Rachel posted the link....

We Do Not Have The Technology

Well....taking a leaf from Bron's post earlier....I am obviously not the Bionic Woman...'cause I don't have the technology. I set up a Yahoo web page...came to the library to post my knitting pictures...but it isn't working. There are still other avenues to explore, like going to a friend's house where the computer will allow me to download what I need...but that isn't going to happen for a day or so. Argh!! I am such a computer moron.....but, have no fear...sooner or later I will figure this whole picture posting thing out and you will be able to actually *see* what I'm talking about when I mention projects....sigh...patience is a virtue, aye?

Lisa, did you read the directions?

About a year ago, when I made the leap to sock knitting, Ryan over at Mossy Cottage Knits mentored me, held my cyber hand, offered advice. I became stuck at one point in the pattern and emailed her wailing of my distress and angst. She replied with the answer and this question:

Lisa, did you read all of the directions?

To which I had to honestly reply...."uh....well........no.....", after which there was a Homer Simpson-like "Doh!" and slap to my forehead.

I cast off on DQ#1's poncho Saturday morning. I had determined that it was long enough. I began to cast off....and after 25 stitches or so this thought crossed my mind: "Hmmm. This is curling pretty bad. Huh. Well, it will probably uncurl when I add fringe." Mind you, this is plain ol' stockinette. A brief fancy of actually getting up off my rear and going to the bedroom to find the pattern occured, but was quickly squashed....you know, 'cause I was sitting 15 steps away and all....and it was Saturday...and well, yeah.

I continued casting off...yup. Rolled right smartly. Course, I didn't want it to roll. But, I decided to fringe anyway. That would do it, surely?

No, it did not do it. After applying 20 or so fringes...which promptly curled right up into the roll, I got off my heinie in search of the pattern. Whadya know...yer sposed to do four rows of garter at the end.....you know, so it won't roll. Ryan's cyber voice again rang in my mind..."did you read all of the directions??" What can I say....I'm a twit.

So, I dutifully picked up the stitches...and knit four rows of garter. Guess what? It doesn't roll know. "Doh!"

I have actually had a picture taken of a knitting project and as soon as it is mailed to me, will try posting it. Unfortunately, since I am a clandestine blogger at work, I can't download "stuff" to help me just post pics the "regular" way...so I will set up a Yahoo photo page with links to it. Best I can do at this point.....providing of course the picture comes out in the first place and my friend figures out how to send it to me......

It's Knitty Time!

It's all the buzz...Fall Knitty is here!

A confession....I love looking at Knitty...but most of it is just *not me*.

I am not a wild and crazy gal. I know, I know, you're shocked. "But....you're a belly dancer! you're a lesbian!....you must be wild and crazy!"

Nope. Sorry to disappoint. I'm actually pretty boring. Well, I think so anyway. I admire people who can dance to their own drumming...women especially. You wanna do something wild and crazy? I'll be there for you...I'll support you to the end. I'll wave a banner, yell real loud, tell everyone...but I am who I am. I am a "backstage" kinda gal. I'm a helper...a supporter...I don't enjoy front and center stage. I've done it...I just don't like it.

Call attention to myself? Ugh. Blogging, now this is somewhat different. If you come here, you must chose to do so. I also don't have to actually look at you, which is just how I like it. Not that you aren't all gorgeous I'm sure....

It's the same with the book "Weekend Knitting." It is the hot thing here right now...and nothing much in it is "me" either.

Lastly, I found this at "One More Row and Anther Latte" and it was too funny not to mention.

Warning, political content ahead....

If I haven’t mentioned it…I’m a recovering Republican as well as a recovering fundamentalist Christian. Now this doesn’t mean I *hate* Republicans or Christians. I just do not choose to embrace the Republican viewpoint and realized fundamental Christian extremism is…well….extreme. So here it is. If it offends you, well, I’m sorry for that but, you know, it is my blog after all….

I have to share this little gem with someone. Our local paper, The Bulletin, runs a weekly ‘Religion’ page. This week, there was a headline that caught my attention, something to the effect of "Christians Pray for GOP".

There was a quote from a woman in Georgia which said: "Well, Jesus isn’t here…so I’m voting for the next best thing", referring to George W. Bush.

Oh. My. God. Bush is the next best thing to Jesus? I have to tell you, this struck me as so funny, that I laughed till I thought I would wet myself.

Knitting content:
I didn't knit yesterday. I didn't knit Wednesday. This is a Sign. If I'm not knitting, I'm depressed. This isn't "feel sorry for me....I'm depressed....waaaaa." I have dealt (or not dealt) with depression all of my life. I'm not ready for **"Hairy Carrie", I'm just not up to par. I'm taking my Paxil...eating well...getting almost enough sleep. This, too, will pass.

**"Hairy Carrie" is from a book I just read, "Triads" by Poppy Brite and Christa Faust. It just makes me laugh...see, I can laugh at *something*! And I feel I should say, ahem, I doubt this book is for everyone. If you're queer you might enjoy it...it is an interesting blend of three story lines. It is also quite homoerotically explicit.

And now, for something completely off the subject…..

What I've been reading:
"Smoke and Shadows"
I am a huge fan of Ms. Huff’s vampire series featuring "Henry Fitzroy." Vampires? You say? Yup, vampires. Every once in awhile, I just crave a good vampire story. This, "Smoke and Shadows", is the latest installment. If, like me, you occasionally indulge in a little night walker reading….this series is great.

"The Language of Power"
This one jumped off the new books shelf at the library and right into my book bag. It is the second in a series, and while I haven’t read the first, I intend to! Fun, intelligent, a great escape from children who are much too tweaked out over school starting….

So, other than read this Labor Day weekend, I did manage to get a few more rows of Drama Queen Poncho #1 knit. I *think* one more ball of yarn and I will be able to cast off and start fringing. Big project for me…trying to keep up my motivation for finishing it. Anyone who knows me is well aware that I am a far better starter than finisher!

Lastly, answers to some "extra" SPIII questions sent by my Secret Pal!!! Woo hoo!! I’m enjoying hearing from you SP….it’s just plain fun, and we all need more of that.

22. What is your favorite animated character or a favorite animal/bird?
Do I have to stick to one?? Animated Character would most likely be Piglet. Favorite bird is the chickadee.

23. What is your favorite holiday? 24. Is there anything that you collect?
This is a long and roundabout answer…..I love holidays, especially Christmas. I had a Christmas ornament collection that dated back to childhood, mostly contributed to by my favorite Aunt, Aunt Jeanne. Jeanne always sent at least one Christmas ornament a year. A blown glass heart from Russia when she toured with a chorale group she belonged to…a stunning fairy ornament….probably 50 or more ornaments. I also started collecting a ceramic village Christmas scene with buildings, a gazebo, etc. As well, I had "done" the "Christmas Around the World" party circuit for several years and collected a LOT of that! Decorating the house was a full time job for the weeks before Christmas. Live boughs with lights woven throughout both indoors and out…I just lived Christmas from the day after Thanksgiving to December 26.
Then, I left my husband. After 14 years, 4 children…his alcoholism was completely unchecked and I had come to the life-altering realization that one of the reasons I was so miserable was that I was lesbian and denying who I was inside. I left with the children and pretty much just our clothes and that was it.

My Christmas collection? He took most of it to the dump and gave the rest to the girlfriend he took up with less than 90 days after I left.

For the first 5 years after I left Mike, I did as little with Christmas as possible. It was devastating to me….remembering all the things I had saved and cherished, but no longer have. Last year, I began to feel that old familiar Christmas pleasure and began collecting again. This year, I am already starting my Christmas high and thinking about ornaments and decorations. A Christmas ornament of some kind would be absolutely cherished.